i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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