her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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