What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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