I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How's work?
Spinning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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