does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
