my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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