I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
