k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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