One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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