I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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