I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
