that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
