Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
