You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
