So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
