I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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