I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
