Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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