I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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