I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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