i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
