So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
