I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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