Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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