If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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