dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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