So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My ass is underappreciated
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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