I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
