That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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