yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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