Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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