please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize