So drunk its hurt
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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