I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
