just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dicks are not precious.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
