I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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