i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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