My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
