I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
please don't ironically join a cult
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