on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found puke in my bra..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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