I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
