Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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