would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.