if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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