oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby