he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.