walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?