Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say