Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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