gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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