I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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