I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
