Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
