I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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