im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
