im gay
i know
yea but for you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
