I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As shirtless as possible
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
