wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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