I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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