We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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