saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
