we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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