I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
