It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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