Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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