How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
