He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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