Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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