you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
