A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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