Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
