my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
