That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
